Masked Pieces of The Game
by DigitalSaiyan
Summary: Pain washed through him and exploded in his heart. No. He loved Ryuuzaki, he would never hurt him. He was the kind of person he was trying to protect, not use as a pawn. He was to be cherished. Until the end of forever. It was L who had to die. Oneshot


Hi! I'm back and with one of the oneshots I promised.

Disclaimer: If I owned Death Note I wouldn't be writing _fanfiction._

rated M for many reasons

* * *

Light kissed his boyfriend again, and chuckled low in his throat when he heard him moan.

He sat up suddenly, and straddled his waist. The obvious hard on his lover had _again_ did not go unnoticed by Light.

"We can't do this all morning you know," Light said smirking.

"I disagree, Light-kun," his lover answered, a seductive smirk taking over his face and darkening his eyes.

An unwelcome blush crept across Light's face, he quickly looked away embarrassed by his body's reaction.

A hand cupped his cheek and forced his face in the direction of his lover's again. Light relaxed his neck, and allowed the cold hand to press their lips together again in a chaste kiss.

They parted after a moment.

Light gazed down into pools of ebony, rimmed with a sliver of ice. He sighed desperately and wished today wasn't a school day.

He pulled away from the warmth of the bed and his lover, but regretted it immediately. For the first time, Light actually _considered _skipping school with his boyfriend.

He laughed silently at the thought, and gazed down at his partner offering him a hand. "Come on, I'm not letting you skip University today. It's painfully boring there without you. Besides, what could you _possibly_ be doing all day, Ryuuzaki?"

Ryuuzaki's eyes narrowed a fraction, but reverted so quickly Light thought he must have been hallucinating.

His lover smiled, "You're right. I'm sorry," he sat up on Light's double bed and gazed across his room to the clock on the wall. He stood up, and Light blushed furiously at the hard-on that was clearly visible through the thin material of Ryuuzaki's white boxers.

"Light-kun?" a monotone voice asked.

Light snapped his head up quickly when he realized he had been staring. Ryuuzaki gave him a sexy smirk, "I hope you realize that you're arousing me even more with your gaze," his smirk deepened. "If you are really set on going to college today, then please allow me to take a shower," he paused. "A cold one."

Light swallowed, "Y-yeah, o-of course," he stuttered, his resolve noticeably weakening. "I could... join you if you wanted..."

His lover frowned slightly, "Really, Light-kun, with your intelligence surely you understand how counterproductive that would be."

Light sighed. "Yeah, you're right. I'll just use the one downstairs."

* * *

They arrived on time, even though they had to nearly run the whole way, both out of breath. Fifteen minutes later Light was still seeing black dots dance across his page, and feeling slightly faint from oxygen deprivation. Still he considered it an academic victory.

Nearly a year ago he had let his infatuation with one of his classmates nearly take control of his life. He was living something close to a high-school romance for the first time, and had taken full advantage of it. Never before had someone taken his attention like this. In the past, if he had ever felt sexually frustrated, he would seduce one of the boys in the class, and have a one night stand. His skills for seducing were far higher than average, he knew this without question because _not one_ of the guys he had slept with had been gay.

Ryuuzaki was different. He looked different, acted different, sat different, and even _ate _different. He was intrigued the moment the misfit entered the university. Light approached him, and it wasn't long after that, that his nights were no longer filled with homework or writing down names on cursed paper.

This, of course, affected his criminal killings. They had dropped over the past few months, and even though he knew, he didn't care. There was no way L would ever be able to link the reductions in deaths to the fact that Light got a boyfriend.

But, still, speaking of L. He would have to plan his next move. He didn't want the infuriating detective to get ahead of him. He smirked, his head propped up with his hand. No, he would win, he was sure of that. He took a moment to glance over at his boyfriend. They had yet to talk about Kira, and he often wondered what his views were of him. He always meant to ask him, but every time he had the man alone, a conversation was the _last _thing on his mind.

In the end it didn't really matter what Ryuuzaki thought, because Light could be very convincing when he wanted to. His heart jumped in his chest when Ryuuzaki suddenly looked at him, and Light found himself blushing again. He truly hated how the man could invoke unwanted reactions like that in him. But as soon as those long fingers touched his skin again, he knew he would forget all about that too.

Class ended abruptly, and Light, lost in his daydream, nearly didn't realize that everyone had started leaving the room. He packed up his stuff hurriedly, ignoring the amused look on his boyfriend's face, and followed him out of the school. They entered the quiet café they usually inhabited during their breaks and sat down.

Light watched in abstract fascination, like he always did, when Ryuuzaki began dropping sugar cube after sugar cube into his coffee.

"Light-kun seems flustered today," the sugar addict remarked with a hidden smirk.

"What? Oh, yeah I guess," Light looked away from the now syrupy liquid to stare out the window. He saw the reflection of his lover's head tilt to the side.

"Well, perhaps I can rectify that? You know, it still isn't too late to skip school."

Light laughed suddenly, "You think this is your fault? That's a pretty vain thing to say, you know." Even though it was true. Even though the man sitting across from him _was_ making him feel out of control, he sure wasn't going to admit it.

"You think so? Because—" Ryuuzaki was cut off from the sudden ringing of his cell phone. Like with everything, he cautiously lifted it to his ear.

"Yes?"

Light turned back to the window again.

"Yes, speaking... oh, is that so?... No, I understand... Immediately? Of course."

He hung up, and Light turned back to him. "Please don't tell me that was work," he asked exasperated.

Ryuuzaki was silent, an apology outlined on his pale face.

Light sighed and ran his hand through his hair, "You've been working so much recently, can't you go on vacation or something?"

Ryuuzaki looked lost in thought for a moment before answering. "I'm sorry, Light-kun, but there's been a serious virus recently released," he leaned forward on the table. "It's terribly destructive, and we have to stop it while it's in the early stages," he sighed, and looked desolate for a moment. "There have been too many casualties."

"God, you talk about computers breaking like they're human," he joked.

His boyfriend's eyes noticeably hardened. "I take my job seriously, Light-kun. I would appreciate if you would respect that."

Light's eyes widened in shock, he couldn't once remember when Ryuuzaki had spoken so coldly to him. On top of that, Light didn't like the sudden stinging feeling in his eyes, or the sudden pressure in his chest. It hurt like hell.

Before he got a chance to apologize though, Ryuuzaki had already placed a bill on the table, and was beginning to walk away.

"Wait!" Light called a bit too loud.

Ryuuzaki turned back, lifeless eyes meeting his. The pressure in his chest increased, and suddenly he couldn't speak. He had no idea what he would say even if he could.

"I'll see you tonight, Light," he emotionlessly replied. Honorary noticeably left out.

* * *

It was late; nearly 3 in the morning, but Light couldn't sleep. He lay on his still made bed, in his school uniform. His ceiling light was on as well and burned into his retinas, but he refused to look away, or even blink for that matter.

His ignoring Ryuk had worked to his benefit as the shinigami had taken off somewhere, but not before muttering how bored he was. So he was alone. He had spent a great deal of his time writing down criminals he found on the internet. His main focus on internet scammers, yet still writing down many random criminals as well so it didn't seem suspicious.

He had finally stopped six hours later at eleven, and had basically spent the last four hours deep in thought.

He was new to real relationships, real emotions, and the real heartbreak that came with them. He was angry with himself for approaching the misfit in the first place, even though he was the best thing that had happened in his life. Still, this hurt he was feeling... Hurt. He had even been checking his cell every few minutes to see if Ryuuzaki had called or texted him.

He hadn't. But what was just lying here going to accomplish? He idly reached over to his bedside table and grabbed his remote. He flipped through the channels at random, not settling on anything for very long. Until something suddenly caught his attention. He switched back.

"...then what does this mean, L?" The news reporter asked.

A white screen with an old English "L" was displayed on the background of the news station. There was silence and Light sat up and leaned forward, just as the synthetic voice that was L started speaking.

"I am not entirely sure why Kira has changed his tactics, but I have a few theories." There was a pause, Light held his breath. "The killings have decreased, this could suggest that he is getting bored or realizing his list is never going to end. However I doubt that one. No, more likely, Kira has gotten preoccupied with something else." Light frowned, his eyes narrowed, and seething anger boiled the blood in his veins. "Or Kira is being influenced by someone else. I would like to remind everyone that _Kira _is _human, _he can be persuaded like anyone."

"Then that explains why he's suddenly focusing on e-commerce scammers?" The reporter asked.

"Yes."

Light's eyes widened. Damn it! This was not good! What if Ryuuzaki watched this?

No. He closed his eyes and tried to slow his suddenly palpating heart. From what he knew, Ryuuzaki worked with hundreds if not _thousands _of other people. They would all be working on this virus project now and they would all have talked it over with people outside work they knew. With that many people, Kira finding out about it was nothing to be concerned over. No, in fact if he _hadn't _found out about it, it would have decreased his reputation. So really it was a good thing.

Still it unnerved him that L had made the connections so quickly. He smiled suddenly. Well if that damn detective wanted to die so badly then fine, he would fulfil his request.

"Light-kun?"

Light jumped, his recently calm heart rate spiking again.

Ryuuzaki walked into his room, he looked more dishevelled than usual and seemed almost… scared.

Light stood up immediately at seeing his distressed lover, and closed the short distance between them. Ryuuzaki didn't say anything more, his eyes cast downward and his stance slightly more slouched, if that were possible.

Light lifted his chin so his lover's eyes were staring into his own. He felt guilt shoot through him again, and any insecurity he felt about Ryuuzaki finding out he was Kira were quickly drown in the ebony pools that were his eyes.

He rested his forehead against his lovers' and breathed in his intoxicating scent before getting up the courage to speak. "Are you ok?"

Ryuuzaki was silent.

Light sighed. "Look… I'm sorry about… earlier. I didn't know it was that serious."

Ryuuzaki sighed and pulled away slightly, his head turning to the tv. Light's lips tightened into a thin line, he had forgotten to shut it off.

"It's just… more difficult than I thought it would be," Ryuuzaki finally said, his eyes straying from the tv to meet Light's again.

"Clearly. You were gone a long time."

"I'm sorry."

Light's eyes widened. "No… don't be sorry," Light rested a hand on either side of his lover's shoulders. "I missed you, and I don't want you angry with me."

Ryuuzaki broke eye contact. "I'm not angry with you," he mumbled, and brought his thumb to his lips and chewed absently.

Light furrowed his eyebrows in true concern, as Ryuuzaki only did that when he was terribly stressed. He raised his lover's chin again and pressed his lips against his, then tenderly pulled so he was flush against him. Ryuuzaki's lips were warm and soft as they began to move together, and Light groaned when he felt himself harden almost instantly. That had always happened with the sugar addict, and yet he never understood it. How could a simple kiss make him hard so fast? This infatuation was going too far. Light slowly pulled away, and loved the passionate haze that had captured his lover's normally cold and calculating eyes.

* * *

Light brought his lips to L's ear, "Don't worry so much, I'm sure Kira will execute them soon enough."

It went unnoticed by Light but the moment he said that L's eyes darkened dangerously, and his jaw clenched. For a dangerous nanosecond, he looked like who he really was.

He snapped out of it just as quickly and answered his lover, "Yes. I'm sure he will."

Was the tension and anger out of his voice? He didn't know, but as soon as Light pulled back and looked into his eyes, he was assured it didn't come out the way he really felt.

* * *

Light took a risk and ventured into the controversial topic. "Ryuuzaki, we've never actually talked about it, what do you think of Kira?"

Ryuuzaki was silent for a moment as he seemed to consider the issue. He glanced to the tv again; that still displayed that damned old English 'L' then he looked back to Light. "Well… actually…" He started but paused to pull a lollipop out of his pocket and unwrap it, "I really admire him."

He placed the lollipop in his mouth.

Light couldn't help the pride that flooded through his being. Not at the comment itself but because it was Ryuuzaki, his boyfriend, who said it. He had been afraid to bring it up and risk a fight. But now… now that he agreed. Would he be able to use him in his extravagant plan?

"What about you Light-kun?"

"Hmm? Oh. Well… I think what he's doing is for the betterment of society. I think he had to make a tough decision and risk his life to accomplish what he's doing. How can you not respect someone like that?"

Ryuuzaki nodded, excitement showing on his face. "Yes. Those are my thoughts exactly, Light-kun."

Light smiled. "Really? Do you really mean that?" After getting a confirmation nod from his lover he felt even more pride swell inside him. He felt happy, so happy that this man he was infatuated with, would accept his ideals when it came time for him to reveal himself as god of the new world.

"Then we have to help him," Light began again, the excitement in his voice uncontainable.

Ryuuzaki smiled. "And how do you propose we do that?"

Light sighed in mock defeat and turned to the tv, he widened his eyes in fake surprise and turned back to his lover, a glint of red taking over.

"We have to kill L," he whispered harshly. His sole intention appearing to be a spur of the moment decision.

Ryuuzaki had moved and was sitting on Light's bed, his gaze aimed at the ceiling, and a finger to his lips. "Yes. That would definitely help Kira," Ryuuzaki brought his finger away from his lips and held it in front of him. "However, it would be very dangerous," His eyes darkened. "This is _L _we're talking about. I don't think he will be that easily found."

Light smirked and stood before his new recruit. "I think you're underestimating me. I'm positive I can find him, my dad is the chief of police after all."

Ryuuzaki nodded, "Regardless, with my help I'm sure you can do it."

* * *

L smirked. Everything was going according to plan… Almost.

* * *

"Okay, then here's the plan." Light said, loosening he tie and tossing it carelessly to the ground. He advanced on the bed as he undid the buttons of his shirt.

His intent had not been to seduce Ryuuzaki, but as his shirt fell to the floor, the insomniac's eyes were fixed on his bare chest. He smirked that he could influence someone as easily as that.

"I think one of us should play Kira." He moved onto the bed and covered Ryuuzaki's body with his own.

L raised his nonexistent eyebrows, "Is that so? Hmm, well I can certainly see that being dangerous," Ryuuzaki tipped his head forward. "What if we're caught?"

Light shook his head, and stared into his lover's eyes. He smirked. "It would be worth it."

Ryuuzaki frowned. "You know Light-kun, you would make a very good Kira."

"What would you do Ryuuzaki? What would you do if I was?"

Ryuuzaki's eyes gained a dark looked and he pushed Light off of him and moved his body over Light's, switching roles. "What would I do?"

Light's amber eyes had gained a hint of uncertainty, immediately followed by a dark look of success, when Ryuuzaki began kissing and biting his neck.

A chuckle escaped Light, and Ryuuzaki stopped what he was doing to stare down at his lover. Dark emotions and lust swam across his usually emotionless face.

Ryuuzaki dug his nails into Light's skin and raked them down his chest, causing Light to hiss in pain.

"Really now. No reason to get carried away."

"No," Ryuuzaki said and captured the hands that were trying to push him off in one hand and pinned them above his head. "You asked what I would do, and I'm going to show you."

Ryuuzaki's free hand slid quickly to his belt and in a few short movements had successfully undone it and was on his pants. Meanwhile his teeth began nipping along his jaw line, biting harshly every few moments, causing pained moans to come uninvited from Light's lips.

One look into his lover's eyes and he knew he didn't like where this was going. Never had he seen such dark emotion in those ebony orbs. Never had the man been so violent in their lovemaking.

Light grimaced in pain again as Ryuuzaki's hand tightened around his wrists to cease his weak attempts at getting away. His lover's hand had moved to fondle him roughly through his boxers, eliciting both pained and pleasured responses.

"R-ryuuzaki... wait..." Light gasped, when his lover had begun removing his own clothes harshly and productively.

His lover paused momentarily to look at him, his one free hand pausing as his jeans fell revealing his boxers and obvious excitement.

"What is it?" Ryuuzaki's pupil's had constricted, as they often did when he was excited, revealing more of his grey iris's and making his eyes sharp and unnerving.

Light tried to move his wrists again, and was released momentarily as Ryuuzaki paused and removed his shirt.

"I don't think it would be a good idea to assert this much dominance over Kira."

His lover smirked as his shirt was discarded and his lithe form was revealed. "Actually, I think it's a great idea."

Light frowned his question, which was all that was needed as Ryuuzaki seemed overly willing to give him an answer.

"As this is merely hypothetical, I think it would be a very … _exciting _experience to be dominant over Kira," Ryuuzaki cocked his head, "Don't you think?"

Light's wide eyes appraised his lover as his brain noted this new fantasy the man above him had. He didn't know what to say, surely he couldn't let on anymore than he already had that he was in fact Kira… so what could he do? Allow his lover to fulfill his fantasy, even though he already had many times over with no knowledge of it? Well, as long as he didn't pull a knife on him or something, he supposed he didn't mind.

"I suppose." He answered cautiously, his eyes lowered slightly to hide his confusion of the situation.

Before he knew it, Ryuuzaki's lips were on his neck again, sucking and biting. And a hand had been slipped into his boxers to wrap around his waiting erection. He gasped in sharply and the man above him began pumping him in desperation, and biting him even harder. The hand that was around his wrists had returned and was twice as tight, impeding any movements.

"Um, Ryuuzaki? Maybe we should have a safety word?"

A muffled laugh came from below his collar bone. "That's hardly fun Light-kun," He brought his lips to Light's ear and whispered, "Really, you're stronger anyway, I'm _sure _you could overpower me if you needed to…"

Light frowned a moment of panic stopping his breathing. Was that sarcasm?

Ryuuzaki slid off his boxers and revealed his large throbbing erection for Light to view. A smirk played over his lover's lips as the man released Light's wrists and reached over to grab the lubricant that was always readily available in Light's bed stand drawer. He slicked some over his cock then posed himself near Light's entrance.

Light's eyes widened. "No. Wait... you need to..." His voice came out as a plea, his chest heaving in anticipation of both pleasure and pain.

Ryuuzaki chuckled again, and brought his lips to Light's ear again. "You're free to kill me Kira-sama."

He thrust harshly into Light.

"Ahhh!" Light screamed. While he was used to the feeling of being pried open by his lover's cock, he wasn't used to the desperation that his lover was in possession of. For as soon as Ryuuzaki was firmly inside Light, he pulled out and thrust in again just as fast.

Light cried out again, struggling against the death grip on his wrists, wishing he could dig his nails into Ryuuzaki's back as a release for the pain he was feeling. Ryuuzaki set an intense rhythm forcing Light to match it by grasping his hipbone and pulling Light's pelvis to meet his every thrust.

Light cried out again. He wasn't sure what he was feeling. There was so much pleasure, and yet so much pain. He felt like he was being torn apart, yet he also felt like he was being filled. His cock was still hard against Ryuuzaki's stomach, so he supposed that was a good sign.

Light saw his lover smirk before he was slammed into again. This time from a slightly different angle. He gasped in shock and blinding pleasure as his prostrate was hit repeatedly. He arched his back, no longer struggling against the bonds that held him, but willingly meeting his lover's thrust on his own.

This was different, he was more used to being in charge, even if Ryuuzaki was on top (and he often was) but it wasn't bad. It was just different, it lit a different flame inside of him.

His release came suddenly and unexpected, it surprised him with the intensity. He cried out as he felt himself tighten and tense with the approach of his climax. He heard his lover groan above him and felt his cock pulsing inside him, spilling his seed at the same time Light's released all over their abdomens.

Ryuuzaki collapsed on top of him, chest heaving as he restored his lost oxygen supply. Light did the same only was impeded by his lover's body weighing heavily on him. Yet he didn't try and push him off, he was so shocked at the fantasy Ryuuzaki had, that all he could do was lay there in stunned silence.

He was aware that he should have been angry that his boyfriend would rather dominate Kira than submit to him, but he wasn't. Instead he was unusually happy. If Ryuuzaki wanted Kira so bad… maybe just maybe, he could tell him the truth.

Well… he'd have to test him first.

* * *

Light entered his room, exhausted. He and Ryuuzaki hadn't gotten to sleep till nearly 5 in the morning, then had to get up a mere hour later to leave before his parents woke up. They didn't know Light was homosexual, and he didn't really care if they ever found out, but if he could save the explaining then all the better.

Light yawned again for the thousandth time and collapsed on his bed. Ryuuzaki followed him in carrying a brown paper bag filled with various items they had just gotten from the store, after school ended. "Are you sure you don't want help?" Light inquired from his laying down position.

"No, I'm fine Light-kun," came his monotone reply.

Light could hear the paper bag crackling, "Remember, no fingerprints."

The crinkling stopped, "I'm not an idiot Light-kun."

Light smirked to hide the worry that had presented itself in his eyes, even though his lover couldn't see him. "Let's hope not. L would arrest you for this."

"Yes, I am terribly worried about that," Ryuuzaki replied.

Light frowned briefly, was that sarcasm? Cocky bastard.

Light sighed and turned over on his bed. Whatever, if he wanted to risk his life without the help of a professional (he meant himself of course) then that was his problem. Light ignored the uneasy feeling that surfaced in his gut with the thought.

* * *

L sat down on the floor of Light's room and carefully took out plastic gloves, even though it was extremely unnecessary, and slid them on. He reached in the bag and dug out a mat wrapped in plastic to lay on the carpet. Afterward he took out every item, one by one: envelopes, dvd's, a fingerprint spray, and masking tape. He used Light's computer for the kira graphics and a voice scrambler. Then set up one of the dvd's for recording.

While he never planned on doing the message himself, he wanted to prove to Light that he was capable of dangerous tasks like this. L knew he was close to getting Light to admit he was Kira, last night had proven that much. He just needed to give Light a little more convincing to prove he was safe.

Even if he wasn't.

After he was finished, L roused a very tired Light and dragged him to his computer chair. "Alright, Light-kun, everything is ready. Do you know what you're going to say?"

Light looked at him with half closed eyes and nodded slowly. "Yeah, I think so."

L stepped back. "Then whenever you're ready." He watched as Light leaned forward and pressed the record button along with the voice scrambler. His energy suddenly seemed to return and a dark glint possessed his eyes.

* * *

"This is Kira," Light started.

"L, I have recently come across a piece of information I think is very valuable to you," He paused for dramatic effect before continuing. "I have your name," He paused again. "What? Don't believe me? Do you really want to bet your life on that?" Light gave a small evil laugh. "I have an offer to make. I would like you to join me, together the world can be purified much quicker," A mechanic laugh slipped out of Light again. "The choice of course is entirely yours. However, I should warn you, your death will be very long and very painful if you choose to decline my invitation. Imagine, L, together we could rule the world."

Light shut the voice and recording devices off then leaned back in his chair, and looked at an emotionless Ryuuzaki. He cocked an eyebrow, "Well?"

"He will know you're lying," was all he said, his face gave nothing away.

Light frowned. "Doesn't matter, he can't prove it."

Ryuuzaki took a step forward, "He can if he turns down your offer and challenges you to kill him... again," He added with a smirk.

Light shook his head, "No, it wouldn't be like him to challenge Kira like that again. I think he will use it to his advantage and see if he can get close to Kira. Obviously they would have to have some form of private contact in order to work together. So L would see that to his advantage. After that, it will be a lot easier for me to track him down, and kill him with my bare hands if I have to."

Ryuuzaki brought his thumb to his mouth and chewed on it aggressively. "Have you ever killed anyone with your bare hands before, Light-kun?"

Light closed his eyes in agitation. "Of course not," he replied honestly.

"Then what makes you think you can do it?"

Light sighed and opened his eyes. "I don't know… but it's necessary if Kira's ideals are to become law."

"What if L were to actually be of aid to you?"

"Well, obviously I would keep L around as long as he was useful. Unless of course I felt it was too dangerous," Light replied, failing to notice that Ryuuzaki had switched pronouns.

He only went back over what was said when he caught the creepy smirk on his boyfriend's face. His eyes widened a quarter of a fraction as he tried to keep the shock of his mistake from showing on his face.

He laughed suddenly. "Haha, I'm really getting into his role aren't I?"

Ryuuzaki's smirk deepened. "A little bit too much."

Light spread his hands. "Yeah, well that's what—"

Ryuuzaki's smile suddenly fell off his face. "Drop the act, Light."

His eyes widened in shock. "What?!"

Ryuuzaki didn't break eye contact with him. "It obvious. You are risking much more than an average person for a _god._"

Light frowned, ignoring the feeling of anxiety and excitement churning in his stomach. "Please! Many people martyr themselves for their god."

"I apologize, I meant _rational _people," he clarified.

Light shot him a glare, "Then what? Are you saying I'm brainwashed?"

"Of course not. I'm saying your Kira."

Silence doused the room.

Both eyes locked in a test of wills. Light's hands fisted at his sides, and Ryuuzaki's teeth chewed through the calloused skin on his thumb.

Light was the first to break it with a low laugh and a relax in his muscles. "That's ridiculous."

Ryuuzaki continued to stare. "Is it? You think I didn't see the news the other night?"

Light rolled his eyes. "That proves nothing. I've seen the building you work in, there must be thousands of workers."

"There are a lot less people working on this _virus _case than you may think, Light-kun."

"Well, whatever. Kira has some way of attaining insider information. That is hardly anything surprising."

Ryuuzaki gave him a disappointed look. "Do you really not trust me Light-kun?"

"What? Of course I—"

"Then stop lying." Ryuuzaki closed the distance between them so his next words ghosted over Light's face, "You can trust me."

* * *

Light's eyes filled with faint anxiety and unease that L would probably not have noticed if he weren't so close. His eyes fluttered closed briefly and his jaw clenched and unclenched rapidly. Long moments stretched on before either of them spoke again.

"Light."

Light opened his eyes but didn't look at him, instead cast them to his feet.

A loud knock sounded on his door suddenly, "Light, are you home yet? I really need help with my home work..." it was Sayu.

Light swallowed, "Uh… yeah, sure… go get it okay?"

"Okay! Thanks Light!"

Light stayed turned toward the door even after her footprints faded from hearing.

"You'll send the dvds?" he asked quietly.

L nodded and went to retrieve them, relieved Light didn't make any more attempts at denial. Given a different situation that would have gotten annoying, and fast.

L smiled secretly. It wasn't a confession, but it was close.

* * *

Ryuuzaki rushed into Light's room nearly running into him.

"Damn it Ryuuzaki! What the hell?" Light shouted as he dodged, his anger coming from the sudden flare of fear he felt before he remembered his death note was safely in his drawer.

Ryuuzaki ignored him and switched on his tv to a news station.

"What?"

"L has replied to your message."

The irritated look left Light's eyes as he focused his gaze on the tv instead of his lover.

An Old English L had appeared on the screen, and a computerized voice sounded through the speakers. "…and I have confiscated the dvds you have sent to the police. I believe you to be a fake and refuse to air your message. If you decide to send any more messages to me, I expect you to provide proof."

Light's eyes went ridiculously wide, his anger ignited again. A fake? That bastard! It was true that he couldn't really plan the death of anyone with Ryuuzaki working with him, but he hadn't guessed that L would take him so lightly.

He was actually _daring _him to kill someone? That was childish… but then it wasn't like something he hadn't done before…

He slid his gaze to the man standing beside him, who was chewing absently on his thumb. "Well... looks like you'll have to kill someone, Light-kun."

Light clenched his jaw. Damn him! Now what was he supposed to do? He had to make a decision and fast about telling Ryuuzaki. He stared at his lover. "You know I don't have the power to do that Ryuuzaki."

Was he testing him? Hadn't he already done that? No, it was just an automatic response.

Ryuuzaki cocked his head and an arousing smirk appearing on his face. "I believe you can."

Light narrowed his eyes and closed the short distance until he stood before his lover, his lips came down on the other's hard. He pulled away just as suddenly.

"And do you like believing that? Do you want to believe I have the power to control people's lives?" he questioned, while running a hand down his lover's chest and cupping him roughly through his jeans.

A moan slipped past Ryuuzaki's lips. "It's a powerful thought isn't it?"

Light's lips trailed Ryuuzaki's collar bone, nipping every few kisses. "Yes. It would mean that I have your life under my control."

Light's hand worked at him more, until he could feel Ryuuzaki's arousal clearly through his jeans.

"And what would you do? Would you kill me?"

Light backed Ryuuzaki up to the bed and pushed him down on to it. "Would I kill you?" he repeated the question adding a tone of amusement. "Of course not."

"As long as I'm useful," he replied, repeating Light's words from earlier.

Light chuckled missing the obviously placed hint, and bit his lover's neck. Ryuuzaki groaned underneath him and arched his back.

Light smirked at his response and brought his lips to rest just before his lover's ear. "I wonder," his voice came out as a heated whisper. "If your fantasies include being dominated by Kira as much as they include dominating him."

Ryuuzaki's only response was a slight intake of breath. Light chuckled again and trailed his lips along his lover's jaw, until he captured them in a violent kiss.

It was passioned enough to elicit burning desire, yet fierce enough to establish control.

Light let his emblazed mind take over the kiss, while his hand worked to undo Ryuuzaki's jeans. He felt hands gripping his arms but removed the problem instantly by collecting his thin, seemingly, fragile wrists up in one hand. Then he moved so his weight was more firmly on the lithe body before he reached to retrieve an item from the drawer.

The look of his lover's eyes widening, and the sharp gasp as his dilated pupils fell on the item in Light's hand, caused an electric current of desire to race up his spine and explode in his brain.

"Handcuffs?" his lover whispered, his eyes followed Light's hand as he forced his hands behind his back, and secured them around his wrists.

"Yeah," Light smirked. "And they're real too."

He didn't wait for a reply, instead finished removing Ryuuzaki's pants and then his boxer's, then grasped his hard length to tease it with his hand.

Ryuuzaki arched into it, his eyes squeezed shut and his breathing rapid and harsh.

Light gazed down at the beautiful human beneath him with predatory eyes, then released his lover to undo his own pants and slide them off his body. His member sprang free when his boxer's followed.

Light retrieved the lubricant from the drawer and used it to coat two of his fingers, before sliding them into his lover's entrance.

"Ugh!" His back arched again, and Light smiled to himself and started to move his fingers.

He had considered taking Ryuuzaki with no preparation like he had done to him last night, but decided against it on the fact that Ryuuzaki was _rarely_ the uke.

He removed his fingers and laid his body on his lover's, revelling in his cries of surprise when he thrust against him, grinding their hard on's together.

Thrusting against him again he reminded himself to take Ryuuzaki more often, as he remembered how much he loved the feel of his body beneath him.

He increased the pace, and kissed his lover deeply again, dragging his teeth and biting his bottom lip then moving down to his neck where he was free to bite much harder. He did that, loving the imprints he made in his delicate skin, and the way it would break so easily against his teeth.

He stopped suddenly, which caused Ryuuzaki to open his eyes in confusion. Light smirked and cocked his head, "Actually, I don't know…" He paused to give the perception of thought, "… are you even worthy enough to be taken by a god?"

His smirk deepened at the death glare, and thrust of his lover's hips into his in an attempt to get him to move again.

Light loved his reactions, loved his body, and absolutely loved his mind.

He would have prolonged and teased his lover more, if his own excitement of dominating this being beneath him wasn't taking control of his mind and body.

Light grit his teeth when another wave of pleasure pulsed through his cock. "Damn you," he whispered, then buried his length into his lover's tight opening with no warning.

They both cried out as Light fed him his cock inch by inch. Light shut his eyes against the feeling that had consumed him, but opened them to make sure his lover was ok. His control weak as he forced himself not to move.

A grimace of pain lined Ryuuzaki's face, but he nodded and raised his hips. Light swallowed then pulled out before thrusting back in. Light bit into his lover's neck to muffle his cries, and began to set a slow pace to get his lover reintroduced to his size.

Light kept up the slow pace for as long as he could. He could feel Ryuuzaki's hands straining against the metal cuffs and had a fleeting hope he wasn't hurting himself. With that thought he relaxed a bit with his biting when all he tasted was metallic liquid in his mouth.

His thoughts didn't last long however, as his lover's whimpers and moans drove him to his climax inside the hot body that was tightly clutched around him. He gasped at the strength of his orgasm, and in the back of his mind faintly heard the cries of his lover as he climaxed with him.

They collapsed in a tangle of limbs and ragged breathing. Light moved his weight off Ryuuzaki when he was able to see properly again, and got the key to unlock the handcuffs.

"Ryuuzaki! Your bleeding!" He gasped when he unlocked the handcuffs and brought them out from behind his back to view.

Ryuuzaki looked down, but didn't say anything when his eyes fell upon the two shallow cuts in each of them.

"Damn it! That's why people don't use real handcuffs for this sort of thing," Light muttered to himself, as he appraised his lover's wrists.

"I'm getting the first aid kit," he explained as he slipped on his housecoat then raced off to the bathroom down the hall.

He came back quickly and washed off the blood before wrapping them in white bandages. Ryuuzaki didn't say anything the whole time, didn't even watch what Light was doing instead stared blankly at the quilt.

"I'm sorry for this, Ryuuzaki," he said as soon as he was finished.

His lover either didn't hear him or disregarded it. "Light-kun... will you tell me the truth now?"

Light slipped off his shirt then settled into the bed and pulled his lover against his chest. With his mind focused on the well being of the man against him, he didn't hear the question until he made a sound for him to repeat it.

Midnight eyes found his, "Will you tell me the truth now?"

Light smiled weakly and ruffled his hair, pressing his body tighter against his own. He had finally made up his mind about that.

"Yes, the truth is..." He paused and took a breath, "I am Kira," he admitted in a whisper so quiet, even the best recording devices wouldn't pick it up. He watched Ryuuzaki for any sign of negative reaction, but only saw a rare smile grace his lips. Then he laid his head back onto Light's chest and closed his eyes.

"Thank you, Light-kun, for telling me."

Light sighed and breathed in his lover's hair, he felt telling Ryuuzaki was the best decision he had ever made in his life.

He listened as his breathing evened out signalling he was asleep. He tried to will himself to sleep as well, but something Ryuuzaki had said earlier still haunted his mind;

_Would you kill me?_

He swallowed and felt a rush of pain wash through him. That was nothing new, but the sudden revelation that came with it was; _Love_ hurts.

He felt him stir at the thought and subconsciously clenched him tighter against him until he settled again.

Until this moment he had thought it was just lust and infatuation, something that would eventually fade with time. But somewhere along the line that had apparently changed, and he realized for the first time that he did indeed love him.

"_As long as I'm useful."_

Pain washed through him again and exploded in his heart. He shook his head against the thought. No. He loved Ryuuzaki. He would never hurt him, never be the cause of any kind of suffering. He was the type of person he was fighting for, trying to make the world a better place. He was the kind of person he wanted to protect, not use for his own twisted god plot. He was to be cherished. Until the end of forever.

"I love you Light-kun," Ryuuzaki suddenly whispered.

Light jumped slightly, he had been sure he was asleep. He let himself relax again, breathe deeply then smile, "I love you too."

And now... now that he knew the truth, Light could finally prove to _L _that he was in fact Kira. With that last thought, he finally fell asleep

* * *

"See Ryuk, I told you everything would work out," Light gave the shinigami a cocky look as he continued walking.

"Hehn Hehn Hehn."

Light ignored his laugh and crossed the street into the park. He sat down on a nearby bench and crossed his legs femininely. Light laughed suddenly. "I know you say it was an accident that it was me who picked up the death note, but you know what? I don't believe that. I think I am the perfect choice for Kira. No one else would have been able to accomplish what I have with no one suspecting."

Light leaned back and closed his eyes, letting the warm breeze ruffle his hair. "You see, no one would suspect someone like me. I'm a teenage prodigy, best grades, and looks…" He gave Ryuk a smirk at this one. "… I'm young, and in shape… heh, really not murderer material," a dark look flashed through his eyes. "No when people think of Kira, they think of _something, _some being… not someone. They think of an ideal, a god, something unattainable."

"But you said so yourself that you're a god."

"Yes, but that is just to all the people I have helped make this world a better place. That is how I should be viewed, and someday, that is how everyone will see me." He cast his eyes down, a thoughtful expression played across his face. "But, it's the police's view of me that really matters. They don't want me in power because I'm a threat to them. I make them obsolete, so they see me as evil. And that's perfect don't you see?" He cast his eyes back up to Ryuk's large grin and wide eyes. "They see me as something twisted and ugly, dark and creepy," Light cocked his head. "Kind of like you Ryuk."

"Hehn Hehn Hehn. But that Ryuuzaki guy… he suspected you of being Kira."

Light's eyes faded out of focus, "Yes, but that was my mistake. I didn't realize L would connect my change in killings so quickly," he sighed. "Besides… part of me wanted him to know," he raised his head to the sky. "Ryuuzaki and I are getting really serious... we are perfect for each other, you know?..." He ignored Ryuk's laughter and continued. "The fact that I am Kira is something he would've had to know eventually, if we were to have any kind of decent relationship."

Light ran his hand though his wind ruffled hair. "Besides… it's nice to have someone to talk to about all of this." Light uncrossed and crossed his legs. "I don't know how long I could continue keeping all of it inside. I want to tell the world! But its way to soon for that… so he is all I have," a smirk appeared on Light's face. "Regardless, it isn't as if I just met him and told him, we've been together for nearly a year now. And these past two weeks of him knowing have been incredible!"

Ryuk gave him a tired look. "I know. I have to leave the room when you two are together."

Light ignored him and the uncharacteristic blush surfacing on his cheeks. "Anyway, after L is dead, everything will be completely perfect."

This time Light couldn't ignore the laughter that escaped from Ryuk again. He gave him an irritated look, a feeling of paranoia took him over. "Will you stop that!?"

"Hehn sorry Light. I just don't know how you think you will be able to get close to L, without him finding out who you are first."

Light frowned. "Were you listening to anything I was just saying?"

Ryuk scratched his head with a long claw. "Uhh…"

Light sighed and ran his hand through his hair again. "L won't suspect I'm Kira, I'm just not the stereotype he's looking for. Hmm… If only he had been a little bit smarter, this could have been more fun."

Light leaned forward. "See now, the way he acts, he is the perfect example of a detective; he keeps himself hidden, and he's calculative… Now I don't want to get into all the aspects of why I've figured it out, with you, but here's the basics of the profiling I've done on him. I think it's safe to assume he's middle aged, Caucasian. He has a high standing with the world, so this tells me he probably used to work in the police force or government. Which means he is sophisticated, highly dressed and socially adapted. Sure he moonlights as the L title, but I'm fairly positive he's famous under a different name and probably started his career on tv. So, of course, one can assume the people he sends to investigate me are the same. Take Raye Penber, for example. Or the Kira investigation; all highly trained, professional business men. Really it's typical, most people will hire someone just like them.

Light gave a small laugh, "Now, if L were smart, the best person for him to have **trail** me would clearly be all the opposites; young, socially inept, poorly dressed… creepy." Light laughed again. "I don't know, maybe one of my friends, the mailman… my classmates. Heh, my boyfriend."

"HEHN HEHN HEHN!" Ryuk burst into uncontrollable laughter, doubling over and falling from the sky.

Light felt the paranoid feeling creep on him again. He felt like he was being slowly suffocated because he knew Ryuk knew more than he was letting on.

His cold eyes stared at the crumpled shaking form of the shinigami before him as he went back over what had caused such a reaction.

"_I don't know, maybe one of my friends, the mailman… my classmates. Heh, my boyfriend."_

_My boyfriend._

Ryuuzaki.

That certainly would be unexpected. It certainly _would _make him the best detective in the world.

He stopped breathing and felt cold fear and dread shoot through every vein in his body. His brain froze, synapse firing into nothing but empty space. Even though his body was already reacting to the possibility, he didn't let this mind connect it.

But the paranoid feeling won over, and his thoughts took over his mind. It was ridiculous to entertain, he had no reason to suspect Ryuuzaki. He tried to submerge the thought, but it wouldn't leave. Because if it was entirely ridiculous, why would Ryuk laugh like that? Why wouldn't the feeling of dread leave him? Why had he stood up in preparation to run?

No. He wouldn't let the fear control him. It _was _ridiculous. It was unrealistic to think that Lwould send someone like Ryuuzaki to seduce him, when it was _Light _who had started it in the first place. And, it was ridiculous for L to assume he was homosexual. With that thought he was able to calm himself down.

Still, he had to see him. If he could just see him, if he could just kiss him like he always did and hold him, then his fears would go away.

That thought carried him back to his house and through the door. He grabbed the phone and dialed his boyfriend's number, all along thoughts burned their way though his mind.

There wasn't an answer, so he hung up and headed up the stairs to his room, the phone clutched tightly in his hand.

He opened his door, and started to find Ryuuzaki laying asleep on his bed. He let a breath out, he didn't know he had been holding, and approached his sleeping lover.

Light's teeth clenched as he sat down gently so he didn't wake him, and rested a hand on his cold cheek. He didn't stir.

Light relaxed slightly and his eyes softened as he watched him breath. The fear coiled tightly in his stomach began to fade.

Ryuuzaki's eyes were closed, his pale lips parted and gently touching the thumb that was brought to his mouth. His messy black hair highlighted with the sun and gently shadowing his closed eyes. The afternoon light danced across his skin, nearly making it sparkle. His chest moved in and out evenly, and his baggy white shirt inched up slightly to reveal a delicate patch of his pale taunt stomach.

Light felt his paranoia evaporate as he laid down next to his lover. Someone this perfect, this innocent, this _beautiful_ couldn't possibly work for someone like _L. _

Just like he couldn't _possibly _be someone like Kira.

The dread returned and brought pain and heartache with it, and feelings of 'what if…'

He wrapped his arm around his lover and pulled him evenly to his own body, Ryuuzaki let out a content moan, and his eyes fluttered open. Light shushed him and held him tighter against him. "Go back to sleep," he commanded in a gentle, quiet voice. His lover's body relaxed again against him, and his eyes re-closed.

All Light could do was lay beside him and try to slow the beating of his frightened heart, to the slow breathing of his lover.

* * *

L gazed across the table that held their current fixation; chess, to Light's unusually emotionless eyes. He couldn't figure him out today. After their nap they had gotten up wordlessly and went downstairs. Light had then taken out the chess game and had set it up, and L, seeing no reason not to play, had willingly obliged him and sat down.

As he made his next move he noticed that Light kept glancing at his watch. L inwardly sighed as he decided to break the silence. "Light-kun, why do you keep looking at your watch?"

Light glanced up, an unreadable expression on his perfect face. "My dad is supposed to come home early today."

L panicked but hid any outward signs of distress from Light. Soichiro would recognize him. What would he say? he was Light's friend? Light's boyfriend? He doubted any of those would play over very well. Soichiro knew Light was his prime suspect.

Over the time they were together he had been very careful to not run into Light's dad at his home. Nor chance a meeting of Light and his dad together. Avoiding him hadn't actually been as difficult as he had originally thought. Light was more than willing to alert him to his father's arrival, and L had not only memorized Soichiro's work schedule, but had actually scheduled it. So it came as a surprise that he was coming home early today, he shouldn't be off until twelve at night and that wasn't for another six hours.

L stood up as fast as he could without alerting Light's suspicions. "Oh, is that so? Well then I'll see you tomorrow Light-kun."

"No. You can stay."

L was sure he saw Light narrow his eyes and the flash of something dark across them, but it was gone as instant as it had arrived. In its place was a smile. "It's Sayu's birthday today so he said he could get off work early."

L's eyes hardened, he didn't recall permitting that.

"Oh, then I must definitely go. I wouldn't want to impose on your family," he began to walk away, not waiting for Light's reply.

A hand grabbed his arm stopping him. L looked to Light's frightened eyes in question.

_Frightened?_

The door opened.

"Is that you honey?" Light's mother asked. "I have supper all prepared, Oh! I'm so happy you could make it home early tonight!" There was a pause and muffled talking in the hallway before they came nearer and the voices got clearer again.

"Light has his friend over for dinner, you know the one I always tell you about? He's such a sweet boy."

L's nerves tensed as Soichiro's footfalls neared, Light was still clutching his arm. All L had time to think before Soichiro rounded the corner into the living room, was that it would be a very bad time for Light to come out of the closet.

"Light." Soichiro's tired voice said.

Light acknowledged him with a nod of his head, his eyes fixed firmly on Soichiro's face and his hand tightening on L's arm with every passing second.

Soichiro's gaze glided over Light and landed on L.

Time froze.

Soichiro's eyes filled with recognition and surprise, "Ryuuzaki?" he asked quietly then slid his eyes over to Light in question.

Light's face paled, and his biting nails slackened against L's arm.

* * *

Light felt numb. His brain was overloaded with information. It had never occurred to him as odd before that Ryuuzaki didn't want to meet his dad. That Ryuuzaki _hadn't _met his dad. But with this new fear, he had remembered that his dad, as chief of police would know the entire task force.

His father ignored him, an edge of fire lit up his eyes which he shifted to Ryuuzaki again.

"Why are you here?" his father commanded in a harsh, knife sharp tone.

Light found he couldn't breathe again. His ears only heard the low buzz of silence, he could only feel coldness at the end of his fingertips, and his eyes faded out of focus so all he saw was a blur of distorted shapes.

He tried to reason again with his mind to calm himself down. _Okay, worst case scenario..._he thought to himself, _I kill Ryuuzaki or I am executed. _He felt his muscles quivering. No that was a mistake, he couldn't rely on his worst case scenario technique to relive his anxiety this time.

Suddenly his legs moved forward of their own accord. He still wasn't seeing properly, his whole body seemed to be shutting down to the best of its abilities, and he knew there was a chance he might faint, but he had to get out of there.

The door handle, he gripped it and recognized that. It opened. Did he do that? Yes. He was outside, the cold rocky pavement cut into his tender feet, it hurt but it wasn't enough to shock him back to reality.

Then he was running, he didn't know where he was going but his legs didn't stop reaching for the ground in front of him. There was pavement, and there were lights, then there was grass and darkness. Where was he? It was too dark to see anything even if he was seeing properly, why were his eyes still blurring anyway? God, where those tears? Was he crying?

He tripped and crumpled to the cold grass, but he didn't try to right himself and keep going. Instead his hands clutched the grass and dug in. His insides churned with nausea and he was sure he was going to be sick. Sounds returned and he was suddenly very aware of the sobs coming from his own body. He tried to hold them back and stop his shaking. He tried to calm his breathing and slow his heart. But all he achieved was increasing his panic.

Something touched his shoulder and brushed down his back. It was warm and solid and heavy. It was also comforting, but with it came the double feeling of caution. He tried to pull away, tried to stand up. But that weight was on him again, increasing, then he was being pulled against something, no. Someone.

He looked up. Ryuuzaki's eyes gleamed with something close to sympathy. He was tenderly running a hand down Light's back and had his other arm wrapped securely around him.

He greeted him with wide frightened eyes. Reason came back and tried to fight the losing battle for his sanity. It tore through his fears like it was meant to, but only left holes that seemed to reform almost instantly. He had to know. Even if it killed them both… he had to know.

He heard himself speak, even though he didn't recall forming a question, "Who are you?"

"Don't ask such stupid questions, Light-kun."

Light shook his head, wetness travelled further down his pale cheeks. "No. Don't fuck with me Ryuuzaki! You work for L don't you!?"

There was silence again, but he was used to it. He was used to the suffocating feeling that filled him with dread so easily. He was used to the sound of himself breaking. But he wasn't used to what came next.

"No, Light-kun…" It sounded like a plea, a cry for understanding, "… I am L."

His mind shattered and shadows danced across his eyes. His life faded from around him, and his world collapsed like a wooden block pulled from the wrong place in a game of janga. He heard the irregular beat of his heart in his chest, felt the pain that coursed through his veins with every beat, and saw the tears as they fell.

He hadn't even thought of that.

"Light."

It wasn't a question, it was a word. A name to be exact, a name said in a way that was meant to stabilize him. Spoken from a voice that was meant to calm him. It did the complete opposite of course.

He was gasping for breath, trying to fight the feeling of apocalypse that had consumed his being, tried to fight the feel of himself dying. Tried to fight the agony that made him wish he _was _dead. But he was terrified of that too, he could nearly feel the needle pierce his skin, and the rush of poison in his veins. He could nearly feel the pulse of electricity through his body as it killed every nerve ending. But there was more to it than just the feel of his own demise, his own loss, the fact that he lost.

It was this man before him. The man that called his name again, in a way that made it echo through him. It was the feeling of betrayal, the feeling of being killed by the one you love. The one you were actually supposed to hate. And then he realized it was his own fault, he had fallen into the knife, he had walked right into L's game without ever knowing the rules, only what was at stake.

"You're hyperventilating, Light-kun," the familiar body held him tighter against it.

He barely heard the words against the sound of his own heart, and the painful questions running through his shattered mind.

How could this man have ever said 'I love you' with such conviction and emotion, when his plan all along had been to execute him? How could this man taunt him through a computerized voice and promise him death, and sleep with him and hold him all in the same night? How had Light fallen for him? How had Light not figured it out sooner?

"Light-kun, you need to calm down. Please listen to me." The voice filled his weary mind and hands caressed his broken body.

What he was feeling was beyond any word in the spoken language. He didn't know what to do, and he didn't know what would happen now. But he did have a piece of the death note in his watch. He could kill himself in forty seconds if he had to.

"I'm sorry." _L's_ voice started to whisper like a mantra.

His mind screamed at him to kill L, kill him while he was right in front of him, while he had the chance. But he didn't have his name, and even if he did, he knew without a doubt there was no way in hell he would be able to write it down. And that left killing him with his bare hands, which was so far out of the question the fleeting thought of it made him nauseous again. That was when he finally understood what Ryuuzaki had been talking about all those weeks ago.

"Light-kun, I'm so sorry."

His mind was overwhelmed, his body was overwhelmed, and his oxygen supply was practically nonexistent. So it came as no surprise when everything stopped and he fainted into the arms of his greatest enemy.

* * *

L suddenly felt Light's body go limp and his breathing stop, this caused the detective's heartbeat to double its already fast pace. For a painful moment he thought Light had died. Thought the overwhelming shock had stopped his heart. But then Light started breathing again, slow and even, as if he had just fallen asleep.

L stood up with Light in his arms and began to walk back to Light's house, but then he stopped. Soichiro was still there or possibly looking for them, and L didn't think he had it in him (now or ever) to explain the situation. So he switched directions and headed instead to the house he had bought a year ago. A simple reasonably priced house, that was in Light's neighbourhood and wouldn't have him suspicious of his wealth. It was where they often went so they could be alone.

L entered the bedroom and laid the body of his broken boyfriend on the double bed. He opened the curtains so moonlight filled the room instead of needing to turn on a light. After that, he dampened a cloth, settled himself beside Light, and rested the cloth to his flushed skin. L sighed and brought a hand to cup Light's cheek, a pained expression captured his features. He felt sick over what happened. He had not intended for Light to _ever_ find out he was L, let alone _tonight. _

It hadn't started that way, of course. L's original idea had been to admit outright that he was L, but he switched plans almost instantly on the bases of how _stupid _that would be. If you wanted to get close to someone and have them admit to being a mass murderer, you don't tell them you're the one responsible of their execution, and _then _think you have a chance of them telling you all their secrets.

So instead he would gain his trust undercover, first get him to admit to being Kira _then _he could admit to being L. That, he calculated, had a much better chance of success. However, no plan is as simple as it seems. At first he had felt rather confident that he could become best friends with Light, yet keep himself detached. And that might have worked, but what he hadn't anticipated was that Light wanted something _more_, and so _quickly. _It had been only a matter of 8 days from meeting him before he had ended up in Light's bed.

After that L thought he would be up to changing his game a little. He still thought he would be able to keep himself detached and play along as Light's boyfriend. It worked for a while.

That was when his double life really began, that was when he had invented a job alias as a computer programmer. Which he figured was believable as tech skills in programming (and hacking) _were_ a major part of his job.

Yet it _was _hard to live a life as Light's boyfriend and Light's enemy at the same time. It _hurt _when Light talked about killing L. Which he knew Light would if he ever brought up the controversial topic of Kira. So he avoided it because he really didn't know how he would react to Light's hatred towards his true self. Even if he was expecting it.

And when it happened. When Light had finally asked him, after 9 months, what he thought of Kira, L was at a loss of how to respond. He had come to Light's room that night depressed and scared because he didn't know what to do anymore. Light's attack on virus creators had given him all the evidence he needed to convict him as Kira.

But he found he couldn't do that. He couldn't tell the task force he knew exactly why Kira had changed criminals types. He couldn't tell them he had been secretly dating his main Kira suspect, who just had to be The Chief of Police's son as well, to gain his trust and admit his guilt.

Then, of course, it wasn't soon after that, that Light had actually _told _him he was Kira. And L had secretly won, after 9 months his plan had worked. Almost.

Because he had miscalculated one small detail;

He was human.

He couldn't divorce his feelings, and the twisted thing about it was; he didn't want to even if he could. He loved loving Light. He was happy. He was happy that Light was happy. He didn't want things to change. He didn't want to be alone anymore.

And that was how he dug his own grave.

He let out a bitter laugh at that thought, and moved his hand from Light's cheek and softly touched his finger tips to his lover's lips.

Light's eyes opened wearily, his brows furrowed in confusion.

"Light-kun," L whispered in his low monotone.

Light's eyes opened wide in alarm and flooded over with a mix of pained emotions. He tried to sit up, but L's hand moved to his chest and prevented him from doing so.

"Everything is ok, Light-kun," L whispered again, then lowered his head and gently pressed his lips against Light's.

Light tensed and stopped breathing which caused L to pull back. He sighed and moved away from his lover.

"Light-kun, please say something," L pleaded, his eyes fixed hard on the emotions that ran across Light's face.

His lips trembled when he spoke, "Why?" he asked in a broken voice. He didn't try to hide the anxiety that was etched in his features, or stop the trembling that coursed through his body. Or even the panic and hurt that clouded his sepia eyes.

For once, all Light's protective shields were stripped, leaving a very scared and very normal looking teenager in its place.

"Because I never thought I would fall for you," he answered honestly.

Light looked away at that and bit his lip, "You don't have to lie, _L_." A shuddering breath escaped him, "It's over, you won," Light met his eyes. "Arrest me already."

"Light..."

"No." He shook his head, "Please don't act like you care." Light turned his head away again. "You wanted to execute me, so do it."

L's breathing hitched and a painful throb took over his heart. He grasped Light's chin roughly and turned it towards him.

"If I had you executed, I would book my own execution on the same day." He whispered harshly, and felt unshed tears burn his eyes.

* * *

Light's eyes widened. He sat up, letting the covers slide from his body, and stared at his enemy, his lover, in disbelief. "Why?" he asked. "You should hate me," he tilted his head down and his hair moved to shadow his eyes.

"Do you hate _me_?" L asked.

Light felt his throat constrict, and his eyes well with tears, that seemed to come so easily today. He closed his eyes and tried to process the question with the shattered remains of his mind. But he couldn't seem to grasp it, first the noun, 'me' now referred to Ryuuzaki as well as L. Therefore it was really asking two questions that suddenly had to have the same answer; first, 'Do you hate Ryuuzaki?'

If the answer to this was 'no,' then did that mean the answer to; 'Do you hate L?' was 'no' as well? But then if he reversed the order of the questions, would they both be 'yes'?

He felt his chest constrict and his breathing become shallow and weak again. A whimper escaped uninvited from his trembling lips. He shook his head, "I don't know," he whispered honestly.

L tilted his chin up again, this time more gently and gazed into his eyes. "I apologize, Light-kun, let me ask a different way."

Their lips touched, chastely, as if they'd never kissed before. Light went to pull away, but a hand at the back of his neck stopped him. He felt a warm tongue slide against his lower lip, he whimpered at the sensation, but didn't attempt to pull away again. This was something they had done at least a thousand times, yet today it felt different. Because today, he was kissing L as well.

But still... it was familiar, the sugary taste that flooded his senses as the man's tongue slipped into his mouth wasn't new. Either was the feel and pressure of his lips, or the smell of strawberries, and the feel of soft feathery black hair that tickled his face. Or even the heated moans that managed to escape him.

He relaxed into the kiss as their fingers intertwined together, and he tried to imagine that everything was the same. That nothing had changed. That the devastating situation they had been in had just been a very well played April fools joke even though it was November 5th.

They parted after several moments.

"How about now, Light-kun. Do you hate me?"

Light's brows furrowed as he gazed into the eyes of his lover and into the eyes of his enemy. He tried to resurrect his defences and hide the emotions he knew where vividly present on his face. But the only thing going through his mind was one thing; _never never never never never never never. _And he couldn't quiet it, couldn't get the side of himself that was Kira to drown it. To make him strong again, to make him god.

He swallowed and shook his head, once.

L noticeably relaxed.

Light's sepia iris's fixed on L's face, and his mind started tormenting him on how _wrong_ his profiling had been.

"If you're not going to execute me, what do you want?" Light asked.

L's eyes shifted to the ceiling. "Well, I was hoping we could make a pact."

_A pact?_

A slight laugh emerged from L's lips, "As long as I'm useful, of course."

Light's mind was filled with new torment as new connections were made. A choked sob poured from his parted lips.

L's eyes widened. "No, I didn't mean to..."

Light fell back on the bed. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, and switched his gaze to the ceiling. "I never knew."

L sighed and fell back with him, Light's arms subconsciously reached and pulled the strange and familiar body against him. L sighed in content and laid his face on Light's chest.

"And I never knew I was human."

Light chuckled at that, and tightened his hold on his lover like he always did when he needed reassurance. Of course, the reassurance he usually needed was that L couldn't catch him. But then, if he could get his mind over the fact that he had been _severely_ deluded, wasn't it just as reassuring that L _wouldn't _catch him? It certainly gave him one less thing to worry about.

His mind started to let him believe that Ryuuzaki really did love him. That L really did love him. Because it was absurd to think that L would sacrifice a year of his life just to get close to a suspect. And even more absurd to think that L was willing to sleep with that suspect.

Ryuuzaki could hide behind an old English L all he wanted, but it still wouldn't change the fact that he was human; that he felt pain and sadness and love. That he had blood in his veins and a beating heart. That his monotone voice sometimes _couldn't_ hide his hurt or frustration. That his skin was living and fragile and would bleed if torn. That his soul was reflected in his eyes and heat was emitted from his touch.

That he was Lights' and Light was his.

No letter could change any of that. The letter was just an ideal that masked the person behind it.

And in that way Light was able to combine the two halves of his boyfriend that mixed as well as oil and water.

* * *


End file.
